I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
