I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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