omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
