Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
