Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
