either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
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I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
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and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
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I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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