i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
this boner is exhausting
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
