So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
