I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
