so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
