just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
