Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
