Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
