Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
