Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
