There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We left the knife in your bed.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
