So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
