Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
