oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
