I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
