Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
People in love make me want to vomit
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
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I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
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we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
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