I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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