There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
this is an emotional support booty call
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
