You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
