What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
