census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
