Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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