She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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