Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
