I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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