Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
