:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
