$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
