Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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