Sponge bath it is.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
