u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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