Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize