You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
