Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
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we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
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Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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