I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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