We won't sleep together?
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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