I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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