So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
