have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
