...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
