I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
