you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
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