If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
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Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
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Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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