so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
