it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
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