well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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