I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize