You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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