Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
