went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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