Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
