My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
im having a threesome with these popsicles
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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