This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
