You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
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he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
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And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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