now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
