So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
