woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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