you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
