And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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