And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
