this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
