So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
