you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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