They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
