We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
