bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
