Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
