My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
