I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
