we have officially lost it.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
