when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
