At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
