So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize