Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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