I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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